March 28, 2012

Facing feelings

Page 90

"We may fear that being in touch with our feelings will trigger an overwhelming chain reaction of pain and panic."

Basic Text, p. 30

While we were using, many of us were unable or unwilling to feel many emotions. If we were happy, we used to make us happier. If we were angry or depressed, we used to mask those feelings. In continuing this pattern throughout our active addiction, we became so emotionally confused that we weren't sure what normal emotions were anymore.

After being in recovery for some time, we find that the emotions we had suppressed suddenly begin to surface. We may find that we do not know how to identify our feelings. What we may be feeling as rage may only be frustration. What we perceive as suicidal depression may simply be sadness. These are the times when we need to seek the assistance of our sponsor or other members of NA. Going to a meeting and talking about what is happening in our lives can help us to face our feelings instead of running from them in fear.

Just for Today: I will not run from the uncomfortable emotions I may experience. I will use the support of my friends in recovery to help me face my emotions.

Copyright (c) 2012, NA World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

"Go On"

There are those certain times of year that no matter how hard you try remind you of that certain someone. Certain smells, certain songs and places, but to me the hardest is hearing that song that no matter how much you try not to go back to that place in your life it takes you there without any hesitation. It doesn't matter how many days or years it has been that song will take me back to exactly how I felt. The sadness, the feeling of love and joy, the feeling of hopelessness, the feelings of  love still creeps up inside my chest.

How come no matter how long it has been there are those people that still can hold a place in your heart? With everything that I have been through you would think I would be able to forgive and forget. You would think I would be able to let go of certain things, certain people. There are just those times where I miss you. The times when all I can do is wonder why things didn't turn out the way we always dreamed they would. We had so many great ideas and so many places we were going to go. I pictured myself with only you, only going those places with you.  Now when I imagine those things and going to those places the face that I imagine the face is blurry. And I truly have been questioning lately if that face is ever going to be clear again....?


Jet Pass said...

I know I'm not the only one, but we're all curious as to your employment with Heather. Did they employ you and let you watch their children knowing you were addicted? they gave you alcohol I'm guessing as a minor too? right?
Put yourself in your sober shoes and ask yourself if you would have as a loving and caring parent let someone you know had addiction problems watch your daughter?

K-Diddle said...

Jet Pass,
I NEVER used any substances when I was in charge of anyone's children. And in regards to your questions about my employment with Heather, I am unable to answer any of those.

Kirsty said...

Just wanted to make it clear that "we" are not all curious. Some of us read this blog because we liked something in the Katey we saw via Heather, and post that part of her life, we remained interested in and inspired by her journey to find her Ness.

Katey, thank you for still allowing us to follow along for the ups and downs.