"Found Love in A Hopeless Place" literally!

Yes it has finally happened.......IM IN LOVE !!!!!!!!! I was at a point a few months ago where I felt like I was never going to find someone.  Every tear and every heart break that I have gone through has been worth it because it led me to him. He is everything I have ever dreamed of, sometimes I literally pinch myself to make sure I am not dreaming. He is kind, funny, caring, funny, thoughtful, and romantic.  Looking back  two years ago at this time I can't believe how much my life has changed. I finally realized what I deserve in life and in turn I am receiving everything I deserve and more. More than I could have ever dreamed of.  It is insane to get back what I put into my relationship. He makes me feel special and loved every single day. Everyday I think "I couldn't love him more than I do right now" then it happens he smiles at me or says something funny and right then I realize I am going to keep falling in love with him every minute of everyday for the rest of my life. I am so excited for the adventures that we have ahead of us!!!!!!!

 Reading my last post in November I still can't believe how hopeless I felt. I really didn't think I was ever going to find anyone. The craziest thing is I am experiencing a type of love that I have never experienced before.  Yes I have been in love before, but this time is different. He loves me back the way that I love him. Today I feel so blessed and so grateful for all of the amazing things I have in my life. There is literally nothing I need or want that I don't already have. I am the luckiest gal in the world!!!!! 

"Go On"

There are those certain times of year that no matter how hard you try remind you of that certain someone. Certain smells, certain songs and places, but to me the hardest is hearing that song that no matter how much you try not to go back to that place in your life it takes you there without any hesitation. It doesn't matter how many days or years it has been that song will take me back to exactly how I felt. The sadness, the feeling of love and joy, the feeling of hopelessness, the feelings of  love still creeps up inside my chest.

How come no matter how long it has been there are those people that still can hold a place in your heart? With everything that I have been through you would think I would be able to forgive and forget. You would think I would be able to let go of certain things, certain people. There are just those times where I miss you. The times when all I can do is wonder why things didn't turn out the way we always dreamed they would. We had so many great ideas and so many places we were going to go. I pictured myself with only you, only going those places with you.  Now when I imagine those things and going to those places the face that I imagine the face is blurry. And I truly have been questioning lately if that face is ever going to be clear again....?

If you are visiting my blog because you are in my Human Life Span class please scroll down to the first post which talks about Love the go up from there. Then you will be seeing the post in the correct order. I cannot figure out how to switch it so the first post I want you to read is at the top. I hope you enjoy!

Experience

Experience~

When I think about what experience’s I have had and what has impacted me the most the first thing I think about is taking care of Lorene and Hal. About a month after I got sober I started working for a Hospice company and I was so lucky because the first patient that I started taking care of changed my life forever. Her name was Lorene and she was as beautiful as her name. She was kind, and caring, and thoughtful. She was living with her daughter and son-in law and I can say without a doubt in my mind that they are some of the most amazing people I have ever met in my life. 

Lorene taught me so much about love and what is really important in life. The first time I met Hal I could not believe the love that they shared. It was the kind of love you only see a few times in your life. They had lived a wonderful life together and now they were at the point where they had to take care of each other and they both were always there for each other. 

I have always known that I want to be a nurse but, after taking care of Lorene her last six months of her life and taking care of Hal the last week of his life really made me realize that I know that is what I want to do with my life. I know that I want to be the one there for someone when they need it the most. I want to be the person who puts a smile on their face when they are having a hard day. Meeting Lorene really opened my eyes to so many things. She taught me so much and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about her and feel gratitude in my heart that I was lucky enough to know her. 

Lorene and I 

Tim, Cindee, Hal, and Lorenen

(Most Amazing People Ever!!!!)

The experience that I have had in regards to getting sober helps me when people in my life come to me when they are struggling. I know that I can’t fix anyone and I know that I can’t say or do anything to make someone change. What I do know is leading by example is the best way to do anything. The miracles that I have witnessed just within my own family since I got sober still blow me away. My dad just celebrated one year sobriety and my younger brother just got sixty days. In no way do I think that is has everything to do with me getting sober but, I know that having my dad here for me throughout this last year and half has been so AMAZING!!!  There have been times that I have wanted to give up and the thought of letting him down quickly change my train of thoughts. I have never been this happy and I know that this is exactly where I am supposed to be in my life. 

Friends ~ 

I have the most amazing friends any girl could ask for. I have a group of girl friends that I have been friends with since elementary and junior high. Even though all of our lives have taken very different paths we stay in touch as much as possible. We can go weeks or even months without talking or seeing each other and then we do talk there is always that familiar voice on the other end of the phone.  I know that I have focused a lot on my recovery from alcohol and drug addiction but, it is a huge part of my life. I really found out who my true friends were after I got out of treatment. The friends that still wanted to hang out with me even though I wasn’t that fun crazy party girl anymore. The friends that called and asked how I was doing and came to see me, those are my real friends. All the people that claimed they were my friends when I was partying were no where to be seen after I got sober. I was really shocked by some of the people that decided our friendship wasn’t anything more than a social party thing. 

My mom told me once that my great grandma used to say “you can judge a person by the friends they have and the books they read,” if this is the case then I am in good shape! 

I am so grateful for all of my many beautiful friends that I have. They are always there for me and I will ALWAYS be there for them no matter what. I wish I could see them more but, I know that sometimes life gets in the way. Lately I hardly have time to hang out with Lils let alone my friends.