March 28, 2012

Facing feelings

Page 90

"We may fear that being in touch with our feelings will trigger an overwhelming chain reaction of pain and panic."

Basic Text, p. 30

While we were using, many of us were unable or unwilling to feel many emotions. If we were happy, we used to make us happier. If we were angry or depressed, we used to mask those feelings. In continuing this pattern throughout our active addiction, we became so emotionally confused that we weren't sure what normal emotions were anymore.

After being in recovery for some time, we find that the emotions we had suppressed suddenly begin to surface. We may find that we do not know how to identify our feelings. What we may be feeling as rage may only be frustration. What we perceive as suicidal depression may simply be sadness. These are the times when we need to seek the assistance of our sponsor or other members of NA. Going to a meeting and talking about what is happening in our lives can help us to face our feelings instead of running from them in fear.

Just for Today: I will not run from the uncomfortable emotions I may experience. I will use the support of my friends in recovery to help me face my emotions.

Copyright (c) 2012, NA World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Friday, November 5, 2010

Day 154....!!!!

Yesterday was my five month mark on my road to recovery. I look at my life and I think about what was different yesterday then day one or day or ninety. There is one thing that stands out the most for me and that is the feeling of this new found freedom I have. Lets see day one I was a prisonor in my own mind and body. Day thirty I was scared I felt trapped still. Day ninety I felt as though someone had lifted that weight off my shoulders. And today I am so full of gratitude that I might burst. And at 154 days I can honestly say that I have never felt so free in my life. Sobriety has given me something I was never willing to give myself. Freedom from all the things I let control my life. The alcohol, the drugs, my negative thinking, my hopelessness, my self doubt, and the biggest one my addict.

This was me a year ago. Broken down, pale skin dark circles under my eyes. I have no words to describe the sadness I feel when I look at this picture of me. I was so sick and I felt so weak and so hopeless. I lived my life everyday trying to escape myself. I would go to any lengths to not feel. I hated myself because I did not feel good enough for anything. The weirdest thing about it is I was so sick I actually thought my life was good. Obviously I was sad and depressed sometimes but I had literally convinced myself that the choices I was making were good and it was what I deserved and what I needed to be happy. Oh my its 8:20 and I must get off to work now. I will be back later tonight after work to finish my thoughts on my life in recovery as of today...Thank you everyone that supports me and I want to remind anyone who reads my blog and has questions or comments please don't be shy. 


The Brady Bunch said...

kaite...this make me so emotional! I am so veryproud of you! You have done so many things that not many people can do. You have gained control of your life! Lily has one AMAZING momma!You are a true inspiration to me! Thank you for being YOU!

The DiStefano Family said...

Good for you Katey!! I am proud of you! And Lily is so stinkin cute!

Josey said...

Katey - first off, that picture of you and Lily is GORGEOUS!

Also, I don't know you, but I've been following your blog over the past year, and I just wanted to say how proud I am of you! Sometimes I worry that I have an issue with alcohol as well... might be time to take a step back. Your happiness and joy with life that is free of addiction is enticing. :)