Yesterday was my five month mark on my road to recovery. I look at my life and I think about what was different yesterday then day one or day or ninety. There is one thing that stands out the most for me and that is the feeling of this new found freedom I have. Lets see day one I was a prisonor in my own mind and body. Day thirty I was scared I felt trapped still. Day ninety I felt as though someone had lifted that weight off my shoulders. And today I am so full of gratitude that I might burst. And at 154 days I can honestly say that I have never felt so free in my life. Sobriety has given me something I was never willing to give myself. Freedom from all the things I let control my life. The alcohol, the drugs, my negative thinking, my hopelessness, my self doubt, and the biggest one my addict.
This was me a year ago. Broken down, pale skin dark circles under my eyes. I have no words to describe the sadness I feel when I look at this picture of me. I was so sick and I felt so weak and so hopeless. I lived my life everyday trying to escape myself. I would go to any lengths to not feel. I hated myself because I did not feel good enough for anything. The weirdest thing about it is I was so sick I actually thought my life was good. Obviously I was sad and depressed sometimes but I had literally convinced myself that the choices I was making were good and it was what I deserved and what I needed to be happy. Oh my its 8:20 and I must get off to work now. I will be back later tonight after work to finish my thoughts on my life in recovery as of today...Thank you everyone that supports me and I want to remind anyone who reads my blog and has questions or comments please don't be shy.