October 20, 2010
Today was one of those days that is leaving me speechless. If i was to describe the feelings I have about today you would think i was full of it for sure. you might think i am overcompensating or just being cheesy. but I don't care because I know my own truth. I shared something with Kristi (my oldest sister) that I will never forget. We danced today with our children at our feet on grandmas kitchen floor. I realized something about myself that was so refreshing.
October 29, 2010
On Tuesday after Ryan took Lily home I was beyond myself. I was sick to my stomach I was anxious and so sad. All I wanted to do was crawl in bed and cry myself to sleep. After sitting for a while in my self pity I decided that I have to learn how to deal with not being with her. I have to learn how to be okay when I do not have her. So I grabbed my iPod and speakers went in the basement, turned off all the lights and danced! I danced by myself for over an hour. I could feel every inch of my body when I would move. It was so amazing to be so present in that moment. I realized that I have to learn how to dance without her. I have to be okay with it just being me. As she grows up I want her to know that it is okay to be alone. I want to discover myself so that I will know exactly who I am .