Hi, My Name is Katey.....

I don't know what I am so scared of. I guess I am scared of failure, I'm scared I am going to make the same mistakes that I have made my whole life. What if I slip, what if one thought turns into an action? I know this is now my life, and will be for the rest of my life. I will live everyday with this addiction. I will wake up with it every morning and go to bed with it every night. Those who know me, know that my addictions started long before I took my first drink or tried my first drug.

Under this tired, scared, and anxious twenty -three year old there is a little girl. A young girl who is scared, anxious, lonely, and very lost. My whole life I have been trying to figure out why I have this hopeless feeling . I felt like I had done everything in my power to make this feeling go away. But, as I grew older the feeling grew like a monster, slowly taking over me. Every decision I have made in my life has been feeding this monster. How does a child even comprehend what they are feeling let alone process these emotions in a positive way. I believe there are those people. The reason I believe that is because there are people that are emotionally healthy and stable. There are people who don't have to go to psychiatrist or a treatment center. In my experience I have found that most people who suffer from the disease of addiction ( I am referring to ANY addiction ) have some unresolved issues from their childhood.

I spent a long time trying to hide from myself. When I looked at myself I never liked what I saw. As I grew older I found different ways to deal with my low self esteem. The most evident thing I did was take care of everyone and their problems so I didn't have to focus on the monster growing inside me. Like I said before I felt like I had tried everything to make this terrible feeling disappear and I believe with all my heart I did try everything BUT, actually deal with that feeling. Until I was forced to take a fearless moral inventory of myself, I was clueless to who I was and who I had become. Two months ago my life was forever changed. For the first time I am really on the path to discover "My Ness" and I will be honest with you. I am pretty much one million times more awesome than I could have ever dreamed. I am going to start writing everyday, I want to write about my new life in recovery. But,

First let me introduce myself...

Hi my name is Katey I am a proud alcoholic and addict. Today I woke up sober and there is nothing else in this world that is more important to me.

I am so excited to share my experience, strength and hope with who ever is willing to listen!