just...for...today...

March 28, 2012

Facing feelings

Page 90

"We may fear that being in touch with our feelings will trigger an overwhelming chain reaction of pain and panic."

Basic Text, p. 30

While we were using, many of us were unable or unwilling to feel many emotions. If we were happy, we used to make us happier. If we were angry or depressed, we used to mask those feelings. In continuing this pattern throughout our active addiction, we became so emotionally confused that we weren't sure what normal emotions were anymore.

After being in recovery for some time, we find that the emotions we had suppressed suddenly begin to surface. We may find that we do not know how to identify our feelings. What we may be feeling as rage may only be frustration. What we perceive as suicidal depression may simply be sadness. These are the times when we need to seek the assistance of our sponsor or other members of NA. Going to a meeting and talking about what is happening in our lives can help us to face our feelings instead of running from them in fear.

Just for Today: I will not run from the uncomfortable emotions I may experience. I will use the support of my friends in recovery to help me face my emotions.

Copyright (c) 2012, NA World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Sunday, August 1, 2010

road....

I see myself standing at the end of a paved road. My clothes are torn and my face is covered in dirt. This is a road in the middle of no where, all that is surrounding me is sand below me and the sky above. The sun is shining down on me. I can feel the warmth it is giving me. I stand weak, tired, angry, scared, and alone. I look back and I can see the road I just walked on. I know what I did to get where I stand today. I can see it very clearly it is right in front of me. There are many holes on the road, large gaping holes. I never once was able to go around or jump over these holes. Every time I tripped and I fell. The more tired and lonely I became made it harder and harder to get up each time a fell. I'm standing at at the end of this road and I don't have a choice if I want to go left or right because this road has came to end. I am unsure what this means, I keep looking back wanting to go back to what I know. Things are a lot less scary when you know what is going to happen. The best part about it was I never had to mentally be there to face the consequences of what I had done. I'm looking around me wondering how I am going to figure out which way to go. The road I was on I had built myself with a toolbox that had the power to make me not feel anything. I built it everyday with the negative thoughts I allowed to turn into actions. It is much scarier building now that I have started on this new road. Although I do have an amazing tool box, I am scared that I am going to pick the wrong tool and end up back on the same road I was on. Every turn is up to me. There will be bumps in the road and I have the confidence to say that I know I am never going to fall in a whole without the tools I need to get out.

3 comments:

nothingwitty.com said...

I like the new look to your blog.
Just remember to take everything one day at a time. And don't be too hard on yourself :)
Hugs!
Ariel

Kendalls Media said...

Things are so different this time. You have the tools and support from your family and AA and the Backstreet Club. We are all so proud of you and are willing to help.

Goodbye to enablers forever!

I will always be your witness.

Love,

MOM :)

Kendalls Media said...

A special "Thank You" shout out to my parents.

Thank You from all my heart for being there for me always and forever. You are both genuine example of "true love"

Love,

Me :)