March 28, 2012

Facing feelings

Page 90

"We may fear that being in touch with our feelings will trigger an overwhelming chain reaction of pain and panic."

Basic Text, p. 30

While we were using, many of us were unable or unwilling to feel many emotions. If we were happy, we used to make us happier. If we were angry or depressed, we used to mask those feelings. In continuing this pattern throughout our active addiction, we became so emotionally confused that we weren't sure what normal emotions were anymore.

After being in recovery for some time, we find that the emotions we had suppressed suddenly begin to surface. We may find that we do not know how to identify our feelings. What we may be feeling as rage may only be frustration. What we perceive as suicidal depression may simply be sadness. These are the times when we need to seek the assistance of our sponsor or other members of NA. Going to a meeting and talking about what is happening in our lives can help us to face our feelings instead of running from them in fear.

Just for Today: I will not run from the uncomfortable emotions I may experience. I will use the support of my friends in recovery to help me face my emotions.

Copyright (c) 2012, NA World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Hi, My Name is Katey.....

I don't know what I am so scared of. I guess I am scared of failure, I'm scared I am going to make the same mistakes that I have made my whole life. What if I slip, what if one thought turns into an action? I know this is now my life, and will be for the rest of my life. I will live everyday with this addiction. I will wake up with it every morning and go to bed with it every night. Those who know me, know that my addictions started long before I took my first drink or tried my first drug.

Under this tired, scared, and anxious twenty -three year old there is a little girl. A young girl who is scared, anxious, lonely, and very lost. My whole life I have been trying to figure out why I have this hopeless feeling . I felt like I had done everything in my power to make this feeling go away. But, as I grew older the feeling grew like a monster, slowly taking over me. Every decision I have made in my life has been feeding this monster. How does a child even comprehend what they are feeling let alone process these emotions in a positive way. I believe there are those people. The reason I believe that is because there are people that are emotionally healthy and stable. There are people who don't have to go to psychiatrist or a treatment center. In my experience I have found that most people who suffer from the disease of addiction ( I am referring to ANY addiction ) have some unresolved issues from their childhood.

I spent a long time trying to hide from myself. When I looked at myself I never liked what I saw. As I grew older I found different ways to deal with my low self esteem. The most evident thing I did was take care of everyone and their problems so I didn't have to focus on the monster growing inside me. Like I said before I felt like I had tried everything to make this terrible feeling disappear and I believe with all my heart I did try everything BUT, actually deal with that feeling. Until I was forced to take a fearless moral inventory of myself, I was clueless to who I was and who I had become. Two months ago my life was forever changed. For the first time I am really on the path to discover "My Ness" and I will be honest with you. I am pretty much one million times more awesome than I could have ever dreamed. I am going to start writing everyday, I want to write about my new life in recovery. But,

First let me introduce myself...

Hi my name is Katey I am a proud alcoholic and addict. Today I woke up sober and there is nothing else in this world that is more important to me.

I am so excited to share my experience, strength and hope with who ever is willing to listen!


Josey said...

WOW Katey - what an honest and inspiring post. I'm glad you're found this resolve within yourself!! Thinking of you...

the LOTT family said...

katey you are awesome! i love you!

kasta said...

Thank you for sharing such a deeply personal part of you with all of us.

You are a lot more than awesome!