March 28, 2012

Facing feelings

Page 90

"We may fear that being in touch with our feelings will trigger an overwhelming chain reaction of pain and panic."

Basic Text, p. 30

While we were using, many of us were unable or unwilling to feel many emotions. If we were happy, we used to make us happier. If we were angry or depressed, we used to mask those feelings. In continuing this pattern throughout our active addiction, we became so emotionally confused that we weren't sure what normal emotions were anymore.

After being in recovery for some time, we find that the emotions we had suppressed suddenly begin to surface. We may find that we do not know how to identify our feelings. What we may be feeling as rage may only be frustration. What we perceive as suicidal depression may simply be sadness. These are the times when we need to seek the assistance of our sponsor or other members of NA. Going to a meeting and talking about what is happening in our lives can help us to face our feelings instead of running from them in fear.

Just for Today: I will not run from the uncomfortable emotions I may experience. I will use the support of my friends in recovery to help me face my emotions.

Copyright (c) 2012, NA World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Thursday, November 10, 2011


~Family ~
Family is without a doubt the most important thing to me in my life. I would not be where I am at today without the loving support of everyone in my family. In my last post I talked a lot about checking myself into treatment and I would have never been able to have the strength to do that without my family. Talking about my family is a subject that I could spend hours and hours on, each one of my siblings has such a special place in my life. 
One of the most life changing things that has happened to me in regards to my family was the day I became an aunt. I never knew I could love someone else’s kid so much. The day my sister had my niece Kendall I felt like she was such a big part of me already. It was so hard because she was born early and I had never been so scared in my life. Seeing my sister go through what she did made me look at her in a whole different light. I saw how strong she was and I saw that she would have done anything to keep her baby safe. It was such an amazing thing to witness and I will remember that day for the rest of my life.  
Me, Kristi, and Kands at the Chili Party


I now have three nephews and two nieces. I never in a million years realized how much fun it would be to raise my own child with my sisters and their kids.  We do so many fun things together: we take the kids to the zoo, swimming, the Aviary, we hang out at my mom and dads a lot. This last summer we spent hours and hours at my grandmas pool. It was so much fun just hanging out with my sisters and my mom and grandma. I really tried to take in every moment and not take any of it for granted. 

Pax and Lils playing at the Aviary

Another thing that has really changed my life has been living with my grandparents this last year and a half. I feel like I am beyond lucky that I get to spend this time with them. I am so grateful that Lily has been able to get to know her great grandparents. That is one thing I have always wished I had, I wish I had memories with my great grandma. I feel like she is such a big part of who I am even though I never got to get to know her. I know that the things my grandma teaches me and my mom, I know it came from her and it was passed down from her mom and so on. 
Lily and my Grandma in front of the house last X-Mas

I did an assignment about a week ago where I had to interview someone over the age of 65 so I interviewed my grandma and my grandpa also answered some of the questions. We actually ended up sitting and talking for a couple hours about all the things they did as kids and how different things were back then. It was so much fun to hear their stories. It really made me think about doing stuff like that more often. I love hearing about the things they did for fun as kids. The thing I loved hearing about the most was my great grandmother. I loved hearing how she took care of my grandma when she was sick and all the special things she did for her as a kid. 

I know that having this experience living with my grandparents has changed me so much. It has made me more responsible for the things that I own. I have always been kind of sloppy with my clothes and things like that and living with them has really made me realize that you have to take care of your things because it really reflects who you are as a person. I want to teach Lily to take care of the things she owns and take care of her surroundings.  When the things in your life are unorganized around you it makes your life more unorganized. Even though it might seem like it doesn’t relate to each other I have really learned that it actually does. 
I feel like the trials and all of the amazing things I have done with my family has made me who I am today. I am more responsible, more loving, and more caring. My parents have taught me so much about love and being in a relationship. They have taught me that it is hard work but, every bit of it is worth it. I know that when I finally find “the one” I will work on that relationship every day and I will do what ever it takes to make it work. My family has made me a better citizen and they have taught me so much about being apart of a community. When I hang out with my sisters I love that we help with each others kids and no matter what we are always there for each other. I love knowing that they will always be there for me and I will always be there for them. 

1 comment:

KrisFlower said...

I love you and you inspire me!