March 28, 2012

Facing feelings

Page 90

"We may fear that being in touch with our feelings will trigger an overwhelming chain reaction of pain and panic."

Basic Text, p. 30

While we were using, many of us were unable or unwilling to feel many emotions. If we were happy, we used to make us happier. If we were angry or depressed, we used to mask those feelings. In continuing this pattern throughout our active addiction, we became so emotionally confused that we weren't sure what normal emotions were anymore.

After being in recovery for some time, we find that the emotions we had suppressed suddenly begin to surface. We may find that we do not know how to identify our feelings. What we may be feeling as rage may only be frustration. What we perceive as suicidal depression may simply be sadness. These are the times when we need to seek the assistance of our sponsor or other members of NA. Going to a meeting and talking about what is happening in our lives can help us to face our feelings instead of running from them in fear.

Just for Today: I will not run from the uncomfortable emotions I may experience. I will use the support of my friends in recovery to help me face my emotions.

Copyright (c) 2012, NA World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Today is my New Years.....

I have been in a fog for the last few weeks. I was having a really hard time dealing with Lorene's state that she was in. It all started the week before Thanksgiving. I had been noticing a change in her, she wasn't talking to me as much, she didn't want to eat as much, and she seemed to be very unhappy and in a lot of pain. I knew that things were getting worse but, I never expected for it to happen so fast. I definitely did not expect it to be so hard on me. I knew how much she meant to me, but I had no idea how much it really was. She came into my life at a time when I was so lost. I was happy in my recovery but, something was missing. So I prayed and I prayed for my higher power to help me, to lead me to something that would help this lost feeling go away. My higher power listened to me and guided me to Lorene. We talked, we laughed, she gave me so much hope about my life. She was an angel and I believe with all my heart she was sent to me for a very important lesson in my life. She was the most beautiful example of love, passion, hope, and everything else that is good in this life. In the hardest time in her life she found a way to laugh and smile and enjoy what she still had. Not only have I been blessed with Lorene in my life I have also been blessed to become a part of her wonderful family. They let me in and made me feel so loved and so welcome. The day she passed away she was in my arms, and I will never forget the last time she told me she loved me. She taught me how to value my life and what I have. So today I am starting my new life with the new year.

Today I am going to get my life back. I have been so disorganized and my head has been in complete chaos. So today I am taking what I want. I am going to clean out my car, clean my room, do my laundry, and try Crossfit for the first time. I have been so happy with my recovery but, I have not been doing the small things that I know will help all the clutter in my mind. If I try to make my outside look like my inside then things will get better.  This whole recovery thing is so hard, but I have never had so much hope in my life. I am going to "take it" (for any Dexter fans :) ) So watch out who knows what is going to happen now.  I am ready to jump in and do what I need to be happy on the inside and the outside!!!!!!


Jennifer J Kendall said...

Love this post
Love your attitude
Love YOU


Mom :)

Angie said...

I'm glad to see that you are coming so far and doing SO well! I am sorry about your friend. I hope this New Year is your best one yet.

Josey said...

I'm sorry to hear about Lorene, but I'm happy to hear you're doing okay.

Hang in there honey. Enjoy CrossFit - it's intense, but awesome!!

Jennifer Kendall said...

LOve that you said "if I can get my outside to look like my inside...." I sometimes feel like I do all the outside stuff and neglect the "inside" stuff.... guess I need to get on track. Thanks for the inspiration.

cluelesscarolinagirl said...

Congratulations!!! I am so proud of you!!!